Friday June 13 2008 my baby graduated from high school. Man how time flies. It seems like yesterday that I brought her home from the hospital. I have visions in my head of her sitting in the dirt pile with a spoon from my kitchen shoveling dirt into her brothers tonka dump truck in a little dress. Chasing butterflies yelling "momma looooook at him isn't he beautiful"! The one who has tested my patients, yet the one who is quick with a hug when my world is rocked upside down. She has a heart the size of the world. One which is broken in a blink of an eye. She is sensitive, as well as stubborn. She loves hard and hurts harder. I am scared to death to let her out of my sight. I am afraid that I have failed her in some way. That I have not let her grow to her potential since I have treated her as the baby for the last 18 years. She is my baby, the last one, the one I never wanted to grow up.
Have I done all I can as a parent to ready her for a world that is so unforgiving? I worry about her more then I ever worried about her brother. I don't like not knowing where she is and who she is with. I worry about sending her off to college since I will not be there to pickup the pieces when someone or something breaks her heart.
I think I have failed her in so many ways and I am almost sure it is to damn late to fix it. I am not one to look back and my life and regret much. I however regret the last 18 years of her life. Not because I had her, Not because I brought her into this world. Just because I don't think I made her strong enough to live in this place on her own.
Goddess please protect my baby in this great big world. She is my world. I sure think it is harder being a mom of a baby girl. You want so much for them with as little pain as possible. You teach your sons to be tough and man up. Not to let "little" things bother them. You can't do that with a little girl. There is just something in the heart of a little girl that keeps them from letting everything go.
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